1 comments Night is getting to shine

3.30am: I just cant sleep. This is not my home. anyway thanks a lot sis. You're just too kind. Having less than a month to know you closely is just fair enough for me.

I dont have any home. I dont have any place. I dont own anything. I just have Allah.

Hope is only for Allah.

Good night peeps. I just need a little love for a better day. I just need somebody to say that everything's ok.

-Hanana-

NEXT - Night is getting to shine

0 Misterious life

Life! Life is full of surprises. Remind ourselves about expecting the unexpected things. It really happen to me for uncounted times. I do have family. It's a very big family. They live with thousands of problems but they are happy.

When I was 6 months, I was adopted by these old couples (Granny). They are very kind and so lovely. I growth well. Lots of laughing and joy.  (Surprise!)

When I was 12, I have been transferred to another couples. This time, it was a young couple. They don't have any child. A year after adopting  me, they have been given a baby girl. They end up with two children. It was a couple child. However, it was lots of brainwashes, hates and tears.(Surprise!)

When I was 16, I decided to transfer to  the new school. brand new life. But it didn't bring much different. (Surprise!)

When I was 18, It was my first time to go for work. I just did it well. I manage to get my first hand phone. (Surprise!)

Several months later, I have been offered to continue study at the local university.  It was awesome. I just get back my happiness.

When I was 19, my lovely mom passed away. Though she's not my biological mom but her true love can't even erase every single moment that I spent with her. RIP mom. I always hope that she'll be last person that'll be taken by Him. But it just a hope. (BIG Surprise).

When I was 20 I graduated from that local univ and continue first degree. (Surprise)

When I was 24, I graduated from another local univ for my first degree. (Surprise)

When I was 26, I graduated from another local univ for my masters degree. (Surprise)

When I was 26 years and 3 months old, I have decided to get engaged to someone that I thought the best for me. (Surprise)

Now, I am 27, I continue my PhD in different program that I never expect that I'll be in that area. (Surprise)

You know what, behind those surprises it contains a lot of emotions. Smiles and tears. Deep in my heart, how I wish that when I was 6 months old, my biological mom hold me, breast feed me, and hugs me for never end loves. I miss to have my very own life. I miss to get close to my siblings.

27 years. Mom, dad, siblings and me cant even be separated. It was destined that we are belong together.
But, it won't never be same.

He tested me and He let me to meet various people with multiple behavior. I love my live very much. But, I feel so empty as it's really hurt to stay with other.

Dedicated to my beloved biological mom, dad and siblings,
It was hurt to stay with other's family. It wont be same. I have been tortured a lot and I have no rights to stand for my own happiness. There's no sweet memories at all except a bleed heart.

Dedicated to my uncle and auntie,
Thanks for taking care of me. I have never asked you to really take care of me. I swear to God that I never asked to be chosen for disturbing your life. But the way, i am not a part of that psychopath! I just hate it! I just can't stand anymore and I just cant forgive it. It will remains until you realize that you have made a big mistake.
Anyway, thanks a lot.

Dedicated to my fiancee,
You are nice. At first place, I guess, he has sent you to replace my late mom. You treat me like a princess. Your patience is just to perfect. Staying with you, makes me feel safe. Thanks a lot!

Dedicated to me,
You just did it well. RIP dear. May Allah bless you. Stay strong.

I just wanted to say that life is full of surprises. It makes me so miserable. I am so tired dealing with those surprises. Oh, please I just a little hope for a better day.

-Hanana-

NEXT - Misterious life

0 Miss Her

2005 someone special has gone. She had passed away. It's been a while since the last conversation. She always listen carefully for every single story that I narrates.She's the only that I love till the end of my life. There's no one could even replace her. She's too special.

I miss her smiles.
I miss her smell.
I miss to have her warm hugs.
I miss to see her face.
I miss her voice.

I miss her cooking.
I miss every single thing about her.

I just can't forget every single thing about her. Yet, I just knew it.

There's several things that I want to let her know.
Mom, I am a big girl now. I always remember your last advice. "You must study until you reach success."
Mom, I am doing PhD now. I am a Dr to be. But I feel so empty. There's no one in my life.
I really need you at the moment.

Really, I desperately need you.
Al-Fatihah to my mom. Rest in peace. May Allah bless you.

-Hanana-

NEXT - Miss Her

0 When Happiness Turn To Tears

It's been hurt to bleed someone's heart 

Intention doesn't help much to solve the complex mind

Blaming others will be the simplest way to vanish those bad memories

Though we just realize that it won't settle anything.

That's human. It's never ending mess. 

Shut your mouth once the sign of silence

Seeking for an apologize

Hoping for something good

That'll be a great pain that can't even be describe

It's just too hurt

When happiness turn to tears

-Hanana-

NEXT - When Happiness Turn To Tears

0 Trouble is a friend

#Trouble can be friend and foe as well

Seems like I am not in the mood of reading, skimming or anything related to study. Too much thinking makes me so in trouble.

-Hanana-

NEXT - Trouble is a friend

0 Life is just unfair

It was really sad when you hope somebody to say everything's ok but you get different things in returns. Life is just unfair. The more you care then the more you'll be ignored and it just too hurt.

None of them appreciate you and you just realize that. Loving people is just too hurt.

Actually you just need somebody to really lend a shoulder to cry on.
A little hope for a better day and a little love to find a way.
Life is sucks and it's too complex!

-Hanana-

NEXT - Life is just unfair

0 Greeting well to my super friend PhD

# Day 16 week 3
 #Chapter 1

Hoyeah! I jump to week 3 as I just create this cute blog. (what so perasan). I have been given a very simple task from my SV.

1) Tell me your strength
2) Tell me your idea for your PhD theses

Lets laugh!bhahaahaha..not funny at all. It's only two tasks and not even a complex task. BUT I don't have any idea on what is my strength? Boo to myself. Seriously, what is my strength. Oh perhaps I can just tell him :
Ms. No idea: Prof,  I used to be familiar with MLP as the classifier and MFCC as the feature extraction method. I am also quite good at understanding emotion by using Russels model.

(What's on my mind)

Prof: That's it? How can you call yourself as PhD students. (so negative)

Prof: Ok that's great. So we can just use your strength to analyze another data. (waaaa...so positive..i'll take this one)

What's so difficult huh? Actually I didnt come to the office for 1 week. Yeay. I was having a very bad fever. I cant stay in the aircond room. (everything happen for a reason. peace.)

Taddaaaa..my suggestion is actually studying on people who stutter. But I really want to focus on kids. As if we can diagnose it at the early stage, so we can help them to at least enjoy their life and having a better hope.

Ok I guest it's just fine. Be strong and confident. Hanana!


-Hanana-

NEXT - Greeting well to my super friend PhD